where has everyone gone?

where has everyone gone?

Throughout my life I have known so many interesting and amazing people. And, I have watched so many of them fade out of my life, as well as each others lives. So many people talk about how they were once so close with a person and wish that they were once again. Yet, the majority of the time it doesnt happen.

But, what is the turning point - or if there is none, then why?

I can only assume that It's natural; that people grow apart, and move on to different parts of their lives. People have interests and preferences, they expand, grow and forget I guess. I think that it's nothing offensive the majority of the time, and that it just happens. the same goes for growing together with people, it just seems to happen.

The truth for me is, I still care about everyone I have ever befriended in some way, even if it's not much (given the exception of a few who have forcefully pushed me otherwise). I have had a huge amount of amazing experiences with so many different people, that to just forget would be retarded. I mean it may sound odd, but I mean it, everyone that I know means something to me, and I really don't hate anyone. As for my growing apart with others, It's nothing personal on my part; I as well have fell into life's pattern. But, as I said, I still care. I still think so many of you are really awesome and interesting.

The same goes for the people who I have never had a chance to really become close with. I have met so many people who intrigue me and who really seem like incredible people. It's a shame.



Haha, I could laugh at myself for analyzing this whole ordeal.
But, I mean, it's true, to me at least.

And, maybe I am a big loser for saying this,
but you all really do mean a lot to me in some way, or did.
I really have met some amazing people.


So I mean, thank you and if you ever want to talk, or grab a coffee, or go on a quest, maybe shoot up some heroine, whatever.


I am here

Love

I can smile.
I am content.

resolution

I stayed up until 3 am last night reorganizing my room.

enough said.

poker

I had forgotten.
I was reminded.

it is a fun game;
it's incredible how much psychology can go into a deck of cards,
a couple pieces of cardboard.

then again,
it's incredible how much psychology can be found within just about anything in this world.
So fascinating is the human ability to impose imaginative and constructive thoughts upon anything they choose.
I think what might be even more intriguing, is the natural occurance of this pheonomina within a human.

Our mind sub-conciously making connections and abstract relations.


every day.

Enlightenment: Part One

Written a couple weeks ago:

"Put your trust in the light while you have it, so that you may become sons of light" John 12:36

I think that this applies to all human beings, so whether or not you are religious, it's not entirely relevant. During meditation the other day, I repeated this verse over and over, and it became really apparent to me (or at least my perception of it). It's simple in essence; life is full of different moments both happy and sad and in order to overcome the sad, we must hold on to the happy. It could be applied to so many situations.

I may sound lame or pretentious, but it is true.

Think of how you feel during the best, most fulfilling moments of your life; the rushing sense of relaxation and contentment.

If you embrace that, and hold on to it, you could apply it in order to become strong and pull through the stressful shit times. You can keep a clear head in order to grasp the bigger picture and not only overcome, yet resolve your poor situation

I have experienced this immensely lately, and I can say full on that being strong and embracing the good in my life, instead of falling and being consumed by the situation, was very beneficial. It helped me to become a better person and is allowing me to become who I really want to be.

enlightenment: part two

my head reverberates    everything

and then somewhere it has been muffled out.

It's been sending a clear frequency lately though.

my prayers are being answered, 

I am becoming strong within myself, decisive even.

I guess a wake up call was necessary;

I just wonder how I let the others pass me by...

even though they were most likely screaming bloody murder.

I am no longer taking zoloft;

there is no way I could be given an accurate prescription for this merely by speaking to me for 20 minutes,

unless it was by chance. 

I am going to be seeing a herbal psychotherapist that my dad was friends with,

I imagine that having an external source to that extreme may help a lot.

but, it's still my burden in the end.

This resides within me, and ultimately only I can escort it out.

It's ok though.

I have learned to accept this.

I've learned to accept a lot of things actually.

while in many aspects it's upsetting,

it's also a breathe of fresh air,

to have pure determination and concentration,

to be able to comprehend my life and take action.

I will keep my eyes to the sky;

I'll have faith and focus on the good,

in all realms of time.

I can pull through,

I can apply this to when I need it.

I can handle it, 

I've made up my mind.

and now, it's your turn darling.